Hang onto your sparkle shoes, because Dancing with the Stars is back! I’ve been looking forward to this season, because the cast looks so promising. No politicians, no one particularly controversial, just good ol’ fashioned DWTS. And what a season opener it was!

Chelsea and Mark
Dance: Foxtrot
Verdict: Paging the Adorable Police! Chelsea danced like this was already week six or something – she has a natural talent and a ton of potential. This was a charming, wonderful start to the season.
Carrie Ann: “Youthful and elegant, but watch your shoulders” – 7
Len: “A lovely, fresh routine” – 7
Bruno: “Pure afterglow” – 7

Last night, DWTS redefined rock (rock = shiny clothes) and tonight, one of our stars will be kicked off the tour bus. The leaderboard got rocked like a hurricane, and the night’s lowest scoring couples were Bristol/Mark, Kurt/Anna, and – gasp – Jennifer/Derek. Of those three, Kurt/Anna and Bristol/Mark were safe, leaving Jennifer and Derek in jeopardy. Tonight’s results are going to be interesting.

More surprises – Bristol and Mark were given the encore this week. Fine with me – I didn’t get a chance to appropriately admire Mark’s footwear last night. Purple shoes – not just for Grimace anymore.

Heart was the first musical guest of the evening, providing a rare moment of genuine rock in this Rock Week. For reals – someone threw a microphone stand and it rolled around while the professionals were trying to dance. I hope the Wilson sisters trashed the dressing rooms.

Another round of results – Rick/Cheryl were safe, and Kyle/Lacey were in jeopardy (nooooo).

Since it is Rock Week, it was only fitting to have a montage called Actual Rock Stars Discuss Ballroom Dancing. Yes, ballroom dancing is exactly like being a rock star. Little known fact – Bret Michaels, Dee Snider, Alice Cooper – all closet ballroom experts. Is this all a big tease for Season 12, possibly titled “Dancing with the Rock Stars”? Please say yes.