Dancing with the Stars: Week 7 Results

Tonight marked a historic election – America had spent all day voting, and the entire country was now glued to the television, waiting to see the results. Oh, and there was some other Midterm thing.

The 200th episode! I have watched 200 of these things. At two hours a pop, that means I’ve spent roughly … actually, let’s not do the math.

Team Apolo was asked to do tonight’s encore, which was a no-brainer, and then the results got quickly underway. And we learned that after last night’s routine, Bristol started crying because she misses home and wah wah wah and she wants to go home. Something tells me her wish will be granted tonight. She and Mark were placed in jeopardy, and Brandy/Maks were safe.

Ooh! Retrospective Special Awards! Yes, I’m a cheeseball, and yes, I love these things. Plus, it’s a nice opportunity to look back on past (and better) seasons. Remember when Marie Osmond fainted? She won for “Most Dramatic Moment.” Or remember that time that Kenny Mayne was bad at dancing? Or when Louis had long hair? Classic!

The cast of Mary Poppins also performed – I haven’t seen the show (myth: New Yorkers see lots of Broadway shows), but I’ve heard great things about it. This week’s musical guest was the always lovely Taylor Swift, singing her new single, “Mine.”

More results – Jennifer and Derek were safe, and Rick/Cheryl were in jeopardy. Rod Stewart also dropped by to sing “I Get a  Kick Out of You” growlgrowlgrowl. He also sort-of danced, which is something that should really be left to the professionals. And then Kurt and Anna were pronounced safe, leaving Kyle/Lacey in jeopardy (noooo).

Then Taylor Swift was back, singing “White Horse,” which is also my favorite song of hers, as a montage of memorable DWTS moments played behind her. I give this show a hard time sometimes (okay, most of the time), but when it’s good, it’s really good. Although I really wish this celebration gave credit to one of the biggest ingredients to DWTS’s success: Tom Bergeron. For my money, he’s the best host in the business. You heard me, Seacrest.

So who went home – Rick/Cheryl, Kyle/Lacey, or Mark/Bristol? If you guessed Bristol and Mark, you were … wrong. Surprise elimination! Gah! In her place, America sent home Rick Fox, Jolly Green Giant and Man of Crazy Faces. Goodbye, token tall man, goodbye.

Next week – the insta-dance. The couples won’t find out their song until they hit the dance floor. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. I can’t wait!

The Disney Chick also refuses to do math over at www.thedisneychick.com.