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Revenge: Grief

My Revenge viewing buddy described this week’s episode as: “omg omg omg holy sh*t”.

After finally catching the episode on Thursday, I can only agree.

Unlike last week’s yawner, this episode started with a crying Emily digging a grave. Since this show is nothing like it seems, we could only guess who the grave was for.

Operation White Haired Guy is in full swing and Emily and Daniel’s wedding has now turned into a full-blown publicity stunt ala Ashley’s “brilliant” brainstorms.

It’s no surprise Emily is more into uncovering the whereabouts of this white-haired man (WHM) than discussing table linens and the most minute details of the next “royal wedding”. (Oh, I wish I made that up. Ashley called it that, quick to remind Emily that Daniel is the royalty.)

Thanks to those sneaky secret cameras we see WHM in the flesh. He barges into Conrad’s office to discuss the SEC investigation and the fact that Conrad has become a “bad asset”. Have we finally met the man who has a hold on Conrad? I think we may have. (Sidenote: does anyone else not care about the details of the SEC investigation? Only that it’s happening? I zone out on the details.) But WHM does say this:

“I’m afraid your word isn’t going to satisfy the Initiative.”

What could this mean?

Emily isn’t the only one watching this exchange. So is Nolan. Emily is still set on destroying WHM and plans to force Conrad and him together in another situation.

Daniel and Emily’s relationship isn’t too solid these days as he attempts to become his father and Emily is keen on destroying WHM. Her snarky side emerges when Daniel mentions planning the wedding. She wants Paris, something that is them. Daniel wants a publicity stunt.

For a while, especially when Amanda was in the picture, I was totally waving the Daniel and Emily flag but lately… I just have no idea how this is going to work. I’m about ready to shake Daniel and just have Emily cancel the whole thing. But I guess that’s too much to ask.

Meanwhile, Victoria meets with the agent leading the investigation on Conrad and expresses her disgust that he has been unable to dig up any substantial evidence yet. As always, Victoria is pretty sure in her abilities and vows to find the evidence herself. She heads to Conrad’s apartment in NYC (funny how it takes these people NO time to travel from the Hamptons to Manhattan). She immediately spots her hunky artist’s painting in the main hall and — take note of this insult — Conrad greets the scantily clad Victoria as a “demonic succubus.”

In what I felt was the only throwback to the flashback episode from last week, Conrad is not alone. Victoria’s bestie, Lydia, is shacking up with Conrad again and reaping all the benefits. (Shopping sprees! Chatter of an upcoming wedding!) While Victoria swears she is innocent when Conrad accuses her of tipping off the feds, she tries to convince him to come to a family therapy session for Charlotte’s sake. It was almost comical how Lydia and Conrad both sipped their scotches and stared at Victoria. I was almost expecting them to cackle.

After using another secret camera to videotape her bedroom, Emily convinces Nolan to send it to Conrad so it looks like WHM is spying on Daniel. Works like a charm. Conrad plans to meet WHM in Brooklyn… and Emily plans to be there too until Ashley and Daniel walk through the door ready to plan a wedding.

In this scene, I felt like Emily was turning a dangerous corner. She wasn’t even trying to conceal her texts from Nolan, which kept creating a disturbance as Ashley chirped on and on about wedding planning. Um, wait a second, how did Nolan get to BK that fast? Anyway, Nolan does land an address for WHM and Daniel abruptly ends their meeting because of Emily’s lack of interest.

There’s something way fishy about WHM. First of all, he collects clocks. Like, he has a lot of them and I’m convinced he is much smarter than Emily and Nolan put together. Emily is prepared to kick some ass but before she can get inside, Nolan does. His aunt pops up too and wonders outloud what her father would think of Emily’s actions. Nolan is trying to protect her and cares about her and she doesn’t want a part of it. Inside, Nolan “fixes” WHM’s cable but he’s basically breathing down his neck. Who knows what’s going on in his head? Nolan is lucky to make it out of there…

This episode even gave us a little girl time. Between Victoria and Lydia. “We used to be such good friends,” Victoria says to Lydia. She tells her point blank that she may have nudged the investigators in Conrad’s direction in exchange for her own immunity and that she is offering the same kind of deal to Lydia for her assistance. Victoria looks back at that familiar painting and we find out that Conrad and Vicky met when she sold him the forged painting. (How sweet!) Knowing he must have kept it for a reason, she skillfully stabs the painting and finds money and a silver box. Jackpot!

It’s family therapy time at the Graysons! Anyone have any boxing gloves? Victoria wants Charlotte to stop demonizing her and thinking the most of Conrad. Shock of all shocks, Conrad waltzes in late after finding out that Victoria has stolen his secret stash of evidence. Charlotte is peeved. She knows this family will never be okay and storms out. Therapy over!

Daniel dearest is not finished though. He threatens Victoria, saying he is completely and utterly done with her if she doesn’t stop trying to destroy Conrad.

Forget all this drama for a second, it’s time to focus on what’s really important in this episode.

Sammy the dog is dying.

After Daniel offers Jack a check for $1 million to keep quiet (and follow his good-hearted dreams), Jack spends most of his time looking for Sammy who has escaped in a snowstorm. This is a problem because Sammy can barely get outside lately.

Sammy takes the long journey back to Emily’s deck where she finds him. She calls Jack, and the viewers who have patiently waited for this moment, a Jack & Emily moment ALL season, finally get it. Except Jack is sobbing over the dog and telling him sweet things and Emily is flashbacking to when she first got Sammy and hanging out with her dad and Jack. I don’t want to be heartless. I would be sad if my pet died too. But Jack’s dialogue was over the top and I would have been satisfied with a simple: You were a good friend. (Remember when Meredith’s dog had to be put down in Grey’s Anatomy? That was done perfectly.)

Cue the romantic sweepy music, Emily and Jack kiss. Tears and all.

Ever the spy, Ashley sees them kissing through the window. (Creepy!)

There was a moment two episodes ago where I thought Emily would finally admit to Jack who she really was. And here was another opportunity. I know their kiss came from the truest part of her. But this can only end badly. Right?

Why does Jack get the cheesiest lines? As they dig a hole for Sammy, Jack tells Emily that maybe Sammy was trying to lead him to her since she first came into town. He touches her face and wonders outloud what they’re going to do.

And in the most predictable scene to ever hit TV: Declan’s new friend from school.. we’ll call her Yonkers… makes an appearance for the first time. They’re working on a school project together and later, helps search for Sammy. And OF COURSE after Charlotte flees the family therapy session, she shows up to Declan’s as Yonkers is coming out of the bathroom in a t-shirt. It’s all innocent. Yonkers got splashed and needed to change. And Charlotte is driven back to her pills.

Back at the Graysons, Victoria hands over Conrad’s evidence to Daniel to prove her eternal devotion to him. She’s wearing lingerie. CREEPTASTIC. Almost immediately, Daniel picks up the phone and tells his dad he got what he needed. Victoria overhears and I’m more than sure she knew exactly what Daniel was going to do. Did Victoria hand over everything?

At least Sammy’s death allows Emily to finally thank Nolan for being a good friend to her. Even if she is not legitimately caught up in a love triangle. But the sweet moment doesn’t last long, as the violins make another “comforting” appearance, and we see Nolan getting attacked and left unconscious.

Whew! That would have been quite a cliffhanger if that was the season ender. But no fear! We have one episode left… What’s going to happen between Jack and Emily? How quick will Ashley let Daniel know about that kiss? Is the WHM already onto Emily and her revenge plot or is he about to get a real education in Nolan’s house? Is Lydia sticking with Conrad or is she going to listen to Victoria? Should we be taking Daniel seriously or will he eventually fool us with his Grayson allegiance? Is Emily going too soft? Will Victoria wear another skin tight dress?

So many questions and so little time left in the season… see you next week!

P.S. Did you hear the news that Revenge will be moving to Sundays in the fall?