Dancing with the Stars: Week 8 Performances!

Sniff, sniff … what’s that smell? Smells like sequins and freestyle routines. Smells like … the finale! Yes, we’re inching closer and closer to the finale and this week, each couple must perform two routines. And it’s also decades night … so, prepare yourselves for some time-traveling nonsense.

Ballroom Round!

Chad and Cheryl – Tango: Chad wants to see a 10 paddle this week, so he tries something new in rehearsal – being quiet and focused, which has Cheryl concerned. Chad still has a problem with his posture and hunches over a lot during his routines, and his lack of technique was exposed in his tango. Len says learning two dances in a week showed his imperfections because he didn’t have time to refine the dance, Bruno says he got the emotion of the tango but not the technique, and Carrie Ann said she loved his intensity. Scores: 7-7-7.

Niecy and Louis – Viennese Waltz: Niecy’s busy schedule has her exhausted and parenting her children over the phone, but Louis is proud of the fact that she never complains. The routine was one of Niecy’s best, but it was not nearly good enough to compete with the Evans, Erins, and Nicoles in the competition. She is not as elegant as other dancers, and it showed this week. Bruno said she was swinging her arms too much, Carrie Ann said she lacked transitions, and Len said he was pleasantly surprised. Scores: 7-8-8.

Erin and Maks – Argentine Tango: After landing in the bottom two last week, Erin really needed a win here. This is also a tough position to be in, because the memory of Evan and Anna’s Argentine Tango is still fresh in everyone’s minds, and as much as I love Erin and Maks, they can’t compete with the perfection Evan served up last week. But they can come pretty close! Filled with dramatic jumps, lifts, and spins, this was a shining moment for Erin. Carrie Ann became overwhelmed, kissed Len, and called it fantastic. Len loved it, and Bruno called Maks a lucky fire hydrant. Scores: 9-10-9.

Evan and Anna – Waltz: Aww, Evan taught Anna how to skate. Me next! This week, Anna wanted to bring out Evan’s softer side to show off the romance in the dance. And, ouch. It pains me to say it, but Evan kind of fell apart here. Yes, his arms are gorgeous, his extensions are impeccable, but it seemed like he lost his footing during some of the lifty moves. I’m glad they have another dance tonight to make up for this one, because he can do better. Len didn’t like the opening “messing about” but praised Evan’s posture, Bruno praised his lines, and Carrie Ann said he isn’t losing himself in the moment enough. Scores: 9-9-9.

Nicole and Derek – Foxtrot: Nicole whines in rehearsals omg you guys everyone thinks this is EASY for me people think I am naturally good at dancingggg. Uh, Nicole, that’s a good thing. And you know what America hates? Whining. Just ask Kate Gosselin. Actually, don’t ask her. She’ll probably yell at you. As for Nicole and Derek’s foxtrot, it walked a fine line between “cute” and “irritating” but I think it landed on the latter. I think they got lost in the concept, because there wasn’t a lot of dancing in this routine. In other news, I have turned into Len. Bruno called it pure dancing joy, Carrie Ann said she defied expectations, and Len liked it. Scores: 10-9-10.

Next up is the Latin round, where our couples will “dance through the decades.” Before that happens, two alien robot ballroom dancers took to the floor to perform a dance that once got them kicked out of competition for being “too edgy.” The theme of the offending routine was “The Future.” And while I’m no professional, I’m tempted to say that the reason they were disqualified was not because the dance was edgy, but because it was not very good. Also, what is this? The results show?

Chad and Cheryl – 60s Jive:: Chad has clearly realized he has no hope of winning on talent alone, so he’s going the Warren Sapp route and embracing his inner ham. His pimp ham. In Hugh Hefner’s pajamas. And I don’t know about the 60s, but Cheryl’s outfit was right out of 1980s Times Square. As a jive, this was … meh? I know it was high-energy and all, but it just wasn’t very good. There’s no way he’s not going home, right? Len said it was energetic, Bruno liked it, and Carrie Ann thought it was great.

Niecy and Louis – 90s Paso Doble: Bahaha, the 90s. What does that even mean? Louis claims it was “the era of the divas.” Really? Wasn’t it “the era of the boy bands”? Or “the era of the flannel shirts”? And what song was chosen to encapsulate the 90s? Rhythm is a Dancer! Wouldn’t a 90s paso doble be better suited to, I dunno, “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morrisette? Or something kind of angry? Or at least, something that doesn’t make you think of jazzercise? The whole thing was so distracting I can’t even comment on the dance, although Bruno said she was out of control. Carrie Ann said they were out of whack, and Len said the paso just didn’t suit her. Scores: 7-6-7.

Erin and Maks – 80s Rumba: “Who made up the 80s?” asked Maks. A fair question. And herein lies the problem with “dancing through the decades” – it’s so ridiculous by nature that you can’t take any of these routines seriously. Don Johnson Maks? Hilarious! He even left his socks at home! Overall, it was a solid performance, but the whole thing just seemed so darn silly. Carrie Ann said she needs more confidence, Len said it was jerky, and Bruno said they make great music together and should be in the final. Scores: 8-8-9.

Evan and Anna – Futuristic Cha Cha: Ohemgee Evan has a WALL-E impression. And I love it! It was a smart move to give this dance a jerky robot flair, because it definitely helped hide Evan’s hips (which have improved). While not a proper cha cha, I thought this was a fun, crowd-pleasing performance. And I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but I loved Anna’s costume nod to The Fifth Element, and Evan wins the award for Best Use of Mesh Shirt. Len was confused, and Bruno called it Cha Cha Cha: The Next Generation in 3D (I would totally see that movie). Carrie Ann said they lucked out with the choice of decade and style. Scores: 9-8-9.

Nicole and Derek – 50s Paso Doble: I don’t know if this was 50s, but it was hot. And costume-wise, these two win the night. Nicole said in rehearsals the paso was the dance she was most looking forward to, and I can see why. For my money, this was her best dance so far. Bruno called it a feisty performance, Carrie Ann said it was brilliant, and Len couldn’t find anything to criticize. Scores: 10-10-10.

Who do you think will go home? My money’s on Chad, but Niecy could still be in trouble. See you back here tomorrow for the results!

The Disney Chick regularly does jazzercise at www.thedisneychick.com.