All our stars did an amazing job last night, which means tonight’s cut will be especially cruel. So before we get to the massacre, let’s start with some good news: Julianne Hough is coming back next season! Bold prediction: she and her to-be-named partner will win Season 11. Yes, she’s that good.
Results awayyyy! Tom solemnly brought Nicole/Derek and Erin/Maks downstage and dropped a big ol’ bomb – one of these couples was in the bottom two. GASP! said the audience. ZOUNDS! said the judges. PLEASE BE NICOLE AND DEREK! said The Disney Chick. Alas, my funny little valentines Erin and Maks were the ones in trouble, left to sweat out their fate for the rest of the hour.
Then we turned things over to Len for a recap of last night’s show. Len said it was the best week all season, and I agree. Isn’t it amazing what happens when all the annoying people get voted off and you’re left with couples who can actually dance?
This week’s encore went to the Team Gaga cha cha, minus Pam, who suffered an injury somewhere between last night and the results show. She was replaced by Chelsie Hightower, who has the exact same hair as Pamela Anderson. Speaking of hair, Cheryl is a beautiful woman, but once a season she gets it into her head she would look good with a wig on. No. Just, no.
Then we took a trip back to 1999 and Train took the stage to sing their hit single, “Hey Soul Sister,” otherwise known as “that song you don’t really hate, don’t really love, but hear absolutely everywhere and don’t know the name of so you become irritated when it’s in your head for 3 days afterwards.” That song. Train performed that song.
More results: Evan and Anna were safe, while Chad and Cheryl were left in DWTS purgatory for a little while longer.
Silly montage time! Next week, each couple will dance two dances. Zut alors! The horror! According to the DWTS professionals, this means the stars will have to work twice as hard. Two dances. Twice the dances, twice the work. This concludes today’s math lesson.
Last round of initial results: Niecy and Louis were safe, which meant Pamela and Damien were (possibly) in danger.
Guess what? Melissa Rycroft has a job! She’s officially a “special correspondent” for DWTS, or as I like to think of her “filler segment host.” This week, Melissa gave us a behind the scenes look at the show’s production. This involved Melissa defining basic terms (sample: “A director directs the show.”) and didn’t hold a candle to Melissa’s last segment, “What It is Like to Be in the DWTS Audience.”
Oh dear. Elvis has left the building, and he has returned with acrobats. Yes, this week’s Stars of Dance performance was Cirque de Soleil, performing a selection from their Vegas show, Viva Elvis. It was a cool performance, a Broadway + circus + Vegas confection. Cute, but it didn’t measure up to some of the more recent Stars of Dance performances.
Then, Train returned to the stage to perform the only other Train song anyone knows, “Drops of Jupiter.” Two earworm songs in the same show? Next thing you know, the Barenaked Ladies are going to show up and start singing “One Week” while OMC softly whispers in the background, “How bizarre. How bizarre.” But it was nice to see Karina Smirnoff take a turn around the dance floor with Louis. I hope Karina comes back next season. I miss her sass.
Finally, some real results: Pamela and Damien were joining Erin and Maks in the bottom two. Chad and Cheryl were safe. And then, the cruel ballroom sent Pamela and Damien home. She had a good run, but it was time. And on the bright side: now she has time to recover from injury.
Next week – double the dances, double the drama. See you then!