Anyone remember Nicki & Paulo from last season? They were the 2 random annoying characters who popped up for about 2 episodes and then were buried alive by the end of their flashback? Well, I did not like them. These 4 jokers who popped up in last night’s episode of Lost are reminding me of another Nicki/Paulo plotline.

In case you haven’t caught it, I’m not happy with last night’s episode. Maybe there was some big connection that I missed out on because I haven’t scoured the messageboards and theories yet. But basically I saw an episode that could have taken 10 minutes and should have happened last season. Well, we’ll get to that.

The flashbacks were not of one person. Five different people had flashbacks in this episode, so we’ll get to them first, ok? Then back to our beloved Losties.

First flashback. It started out with some footage of the ocean floor via rovers. And what do they discover? Yes, the remains of Oceanic Flight 815. The man watching this on television is sobbing uncontrollably for no known reason. This man is Daniel Faraday.

Second flashback. A young man visits an older woman’s house and demands $200. He goes upstairs with a modified dustbuster, turns it on and then begins to have a conversation with an unseen ghost. This ghost leads him to a wad of cash in the vent. Apparently, this is Ghostbusters IV. This man is Miles.

Third flashback. Two young women arrive at a archeological dig in the middle of the desert. The blond deamands to see the dig while the other girl interprets. They discover a polar bear skeleton and yes, a bear collar with a Dharma insignia. (Best scene of the night, actually.) This woman is Charlotte Lewis.

Fourth flashback. An older man apparently retired (or hiding) in the Bahamas. He is also watching the Ocanic Flight 815 recovery. He focuses in on the pilot’s hand and then frantically calls the airline. He demands to be put on with a supervisor and then explains that the pilot wasn’t who they said he was because there was no wedding ring on his hand. Bahamanian-wannabe knows this because he was supposed to be flying the plane that day. This man is Frank.

Fifth flashback. Naomi. Ah, finally. She’s being given orders to take the fantabulous four above on a covert mission. She is adamant that it will not go well because they are an odd bunch and are not trained. She asks, "What if we find survivors from 815?" Her boss-man, the freaky "attorney", Matthew Abadon, from last week, tells her forcefully, THERE ARE NO SURVIVORS. She acquiesces and then we’re off to the island.

Before we get back to the island, how are you feeling? Well, I’ll tell you how I was feeling…WHO THE HECK ARE THESE PEOPLE?  WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT THEM?  I STILL WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE OCEANIC SIX! After 8 months of NO Lost, then an episode like last weeks, I get five MINI flashbacks of people I could care less about? Grrrr…

Let me collect myself, then let’s get to our Losties…

The rest of the episode is just the Losties discovering our four new friends on the island. If you want to hear a detailed recap of these evetns, try Lostpedia. They put every smirk and head bob in their recap. Let’s just jump to the good parts, ok?

Jack & Kate meet Daniel (he’s the jumper from last week, remember?) This guy is a freak. He kinda reminds me of George McFly from Back to the Future. He does not need to be on an island. And he certainly does not need to be toting a gun and trying to hide it from Kate and Jack! His best line, "the light doesn’t scatter quite right here."

Jack, Kate and Daniel find Miles on a rock near the beach. He is basically insane. Maybe not insane, but definitely totally annoying. He demands to see Naomi’s body which makes sense to us, since we know he’s a Ghostbuster wannabe. He does a little voo-doo séance over her body to discover who her real killer is. He suspects Jack & Kate. But finds out it is Locke just as they claimed.

Soon we see Frank crawling up a hill and greeted by a cow. (Have we seen a cow on this island yet?) He shoots a flare into the air and Jack/Kate and Miles/Daniel find him. (Oh yeah, Juliet and Sayid are there, too. For some reason, they start believing Ben that these guys might be bad news.) Once they start talking to Frank, they realize he actually landed the helicopter. Did you see the look on the Losties faces? They were so happy!

As they are patching up the heli and the pilot, Frank says to Juliet, "So what’s your name?" She says, "Juliet". "Juliet what?"  This is when it gets good. They realize Juliet wasn’t on the flight manifest. She’s a native. That’s when Miles really freaks out. He pulls an old-skool picture of Ben out of his pocket. He pushes it in Jack’s face and says, "You wanna know why we’re here?!" (spooky! I thought Ben had always been on the island. Are these people connected to some Dharma folks? Maybe they were sole surviors from Ben’s annihilation of Dharma? Or did Ben take some time off the island and live in actual normal-person world? Regardless, it’s apparent Ben ticks people off wherever he goes.)

Our first view of Charlotte on the island is hanging upside down in a tree. She then falls into a lake where she is discovered by Locke’s band of Losties. Oh, yeah. Now it’s getting good. Charlotte is excited to see the Losties and begins to asks questions. When she starts talking about rescuing them, Locke and his followers are not excited. In fact, they pull off her tracking device and attach it to Vincent. (Good old, Vincent!) But no one is more freaked out than Ben. He steals Karl’s gun (oh, poor Karl) and shoots Charlotte in the chest.

But never fear, Charlotte is wearing a bullet proof vest. (Whaaat? A bullet proof vest?! What did they think they were getting themselves into?) Sawyer and Locke gang up on Ben and are going to kill him until he begins to spout personal information about Charlotte Staples Lewis (That’s a CS Lewis reference. Did you catch it? I did! Oh, I’m hoping for some more Narnia references…)

Now, let’s pause for a minute. BEN KNOWS THIS GIRL? He knows every single person on this team? Why didn’t he tell Jack that at their little meeting? Why didn’t he yell it out before Locke stabbed Naomi in the back? Our master manipulator didn’t think it was information that might sway them at that time? He’s saving it for now? That makes NO SENSE. In fact, Ben says he has a man on her boat. Someone on that boat is loyal to Ben. And HE JUST TELLS US NOW? I do not get it. (I don’t want to say it, but that writing stinks. *crossing myself*)

And with that admission, the episode is over.

In conclusion.
I’m not too happy. I feel like we’re just introducing some new people so we can kill them off and basically extend the life of our Losties. And NOT ADVANCE THE STORY.

Ben knowing the secrets to the island is getting on my nerves. How can he know so much? It’s so convenient that every time he’s about to get thrown off a cliff or pummelled by someone, he tells us some amazing secret. WHY didn’t he use some of these secrets to stop the helicopter from coming? Wait! Maybe he wanted them to come? Naaahhh…

And I think the timing is off. Last night’s episode seemed about 15 minutes. If this keeps up, the fantabulous four will be on the island for an hour by the time the season is done.

One more thing.
If you want to read a good review that liked the episode, click over to ew.com. He’s got a great review and has a little better attitude than me!

And a question.
What did you think? Was I just in a bad mood last night? Did you like our new characters? Where is this going? DO TELL! Then come visit me at ohamanda.com. I promise I’m not always so crotchety.

Author

Whit Honea is the author of The Parents' Phrase Book. He lives in the L.A. area with his wife and two boys. You can find his writings and other works all over the Internets. Now available on Twitter.