Dancing with the Stars: Week 1 Results

Two nights, four hours, and twenty ballroom dances later, the first results show of season 9 is here! Based on this week’s shows, I’d say the season is shaping up quite nicely – but alas, the ballroom is cruel, and two people are going home.

There were a few great numbers this week, but the judges gave the coveted encore slot to Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel’s Viennese Waltz, which Len said “exceeded all of his expectations.” Kelly and Louis performed this just as well as they did last night, and seeing it a second time made me realize how wonderful Louis’s choreography was – elegant and classy, without being too simple. It’s nice to have him back on the show.

Then we moved on to the recaps/post-performance confessionals from last night’s dances, where we learned, among other things, that Mark Ballas does a killer impression of Bruno’s laugh, Kelly’s beautiful ballroom was the only thing she’s ever done that shocked her parents,  and Macy thinks of herself  as “a fruit bar.”

Here’s the current standings:

Women:

1. Joanna and Derek – 34
2. Mya and Dmitry – 31
3. Kelly and Louis – 31 (tie)
4. Natalie and Alec – 27
5. Melissa and Mark – 24
6. Debi and Maks – 22
7. Kathy and Tony – 20
8. Macy and Jonathan – 19

Men:

1. Aaron and Karina – 32
2. Donny and Kym – 30
3. Mark and Lacey – 29
4. Louie and Chelsie – 27
5. Chuck and Anna – 22
6. Tom and Cheryl – 20
7. Ashley and Edyta – 19
8. Michael and Anna – 19 (tie)

The men were on the chopping block first, and Louis/Chelsie and Aaron/Karina were the first pairs to be declared safe, thus making teen girls (and one Disney blogger) very happy.

Then Sean Kingston took the floor to perform a ditty from his new album accompanied by some half-hearted hip-hop dancers. Personally, I prefer seeing the DWTS professionals perform during these musical interludes.

DWTS funnymen Jeffrey Ross, Penn Jillette and Kenny Mayne (sans eyeshadow) appeared in a cute segment to welcome the two dancers going home tonight to the elite “Loser’s Club” reserved for those celebrities sent packing that first week. (Unrelated: every time Kenny Mayne appears, I think of how awesome it would be if John McEnroe came on this show. Dancing with the Stars Season 10 Fantasy Cast Speculation begins …. now.)

But it’s not all fun and games, because we still have couples to eliminate! Mark/Lacey, Chuck/Anna, and Donny/Kym are all safe, leaving Ashley/Edyta, Michael/Anna, and Tom/Cheryl in the bottom three. And then the ballroom claimed its first victim and Ashley and Edyta were eliminated. It seems the universe will never allow Edyta -the only professional to have appeared in all 9 seasons – to clutch that beloved mirrorball trophy. There’s a lesson here for Ashley: don’t be boring. To paraphrase Penn Jillette earlier in the show, if you’re going to fail, fail spectacularly (this is more commonly known as the Cloris Leachman Law).

Next up was the world premiere of Miley Cyrus’s new video, “Party in the USA.” The song/video is a departure from her usual Hannah Montana-ish sound, and its pretty catchy. Kids – they grow up so fast. One minute they have the best of both worlds and the next they’re wearing short-shorts and doing come-hither dances on jungle gyms.

Then it was time for the women to learn their fate, and the first couples spared were Natalie/Alec and Mya/Dmitry.

Adam Carolla also stopped by for a visit to give the men a much-needed pep talk. The last three DWTS champions were women, and so Carolla shouted, stomped, and scared the male contestants (“Hey Donny, I hear you Osmonds are prone to fainting!”) in a performance that was straight out of every sports movie ever made. And I mean that as a compliment.

The Macy’s Stars of Dance performance (not to be confused with Macy Gray’s Stars of Dance, which appear when she spins in a circle too fast) was an incredible piece from Broadway’s The Lion King. There’s a publicity push recently to generate another wave of interest in the show – in the last few months, they’ve started playing ads in NYC taxis and on local TV. This performance on Dancing with the Stars hopefully gave America enough of a taste to boost ticket sales. I was lucky enough to see it on Broadway about 5 years ago, and if you haven’t seen it, I strongly recommend that you do. At the risk of sounding cliched, it’s unlike any other show you’ve seen – music, dancing, puppetry, and all around artistry. Sheer Disney brilliance.

Back to business:  Melissa/Mark, Joanna/Derek, and Debi/Maks are all safe, leaving Kathy/Tony, Macy/Jonathan, and Kelly/Louis in the bottom three. Backstage, Samantha asks Mya about her feelings on Baz Luhrmann guest-judging next week seeing as he directed Moulin Rouge. Of course, Mya was not actually in Moulin Rouge, but sang a few bars on the soundtrack. Sigh.

Then there was a lovely tribute to Patrick Swayze, danced by Dmitry, Chelsie, Jonathan, Anna, Louis, Anna D, Tony, and Cheryl. Tasteful, but still relevant and fun. I’d love to see a Michael Jackson tribute dance before the season is over.

And finally, it’s time for the last cut of the evening. No surprises here, Macy and Jonathan are sent packing. Next week the men and women will face off for the first time, and will have to tackle the jive, quickstep, or tango … sounds like it’s going to be a fun show!

When she’s not watching Lion King ads during cab rides, The Disney Chick can be found at www.thedisneychick.com.

50% off select Dancing with the Stars merchandise and support The Disney Blog – Shop now!