Dancing with the Stars returns Monday night with an all-new cast of characters – and wow, do I mean characters. Based on the casting, Season 11 promises to be low on talent, but high on entertainment value. And since there are no Olympians to dominate in this season, it’s really anyone’s game. So who will take home the coveted Mirrorball Trophy? Let’s speculate wildly, shall we?
Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower
The Good: Chelsie is a great choreographer, and an even
better teacher. Her biggest challenge will be getting him through the Latin rounds.
The Bad: Michael Bolton lost his long locks, and therefore his power.
Odds of Winning: Unlikely, but they should finish in the top half of the season.
Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
The Good: She knows a thing or two about performing in front of an audience.
The Bad: Brandy seems like a crier.
Odds of Winning: Debatable. She’ll either be the Lil’ Kim or the Shannen Doherty of this season.
Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel
The Good: Margaret has a fiesty fan base.
The Bad: I’m not sure they watch this show.
Odds of Winning: If Margaret and Louis are half as funny as Louis/Kelly or Louis/Niecy, she could stick around for awhile.
Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke
The Good: Athletes have a track record of doing very well on this show.
The Bad: Those athletes are not usually NBA players.
Odds of Winning: With no Olympians to compete against, he might have a clear path to the finals, if his height doesn’t get in the way.
Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough
The Good: Well, she has danced before. Sort of.
The Bad: There’s no way the producers would set Derek up to win the mirrorball yet again.
Odds of Winning: Nil. Odds of Bruno making Dirty Dancing jokes? A sure thing.
David Hasselhoff and Kym Johnson
The Good: Dancing with the Stars was made for people like David Hasselhoff.
The Bad: He could be easily distracted by the parties held in The Situation’s trailer.
Odds of Winning: 2-1. He’s my pick to win the whole thing.
Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas
The Good: Who doesn’t love Florence Henderson? Seriously.
The Bad: Corky. Why?!
Odds of Winning: She’s one of the most likeable people on the show, so I think she’ll be with us for a long time.
Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer
The Good: The Disney Channel appeal thing worked out pretty well for Cody Linley.
The Bad: Lacey’s choreography often gets her in hot water with the judges.
Odds of Winning: Unlikely.
Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya
The Good: NFL stars do very, very well on this show.
The Bad: Something tells me he’s not going to be the easiest student.
Odds of Winning: Ultimately, this one is up to Anna.
Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani
The Good: Um, Tony has sparkly teeth?
The Bad: There are much bigger curiosities this season, she’ll be easily forgotten.
Odds of Winning: If anything, she’ll go home first.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and Karina Smirnoff
The Good: He’s already tan.
The Bad: There is no bad. THIS CAN ONLY BE AWESOME.
Odds of Winning: Assuming he actually shows up for practice once in awhile … who am I kidding? This is the most entertaining partnership in the history of DWTS.
The Good: She can’t be worse than Kate Gosselin.
The Bad: Shannen Doherty last season and now Bristol? Is Mark being punished for something?
Odds of Winning: Surely you jest.
This entry was cross-posted from The Disney Chick, who will be back on Monday with a recap of the Dancing with the Stars season premiere.