Dancing with the Stars: Week Five Results

After last night’s sillies, complete with TV theme songs and gorilla suits, I was dying to see which couple would be cancelled like an NBC show tonight. And very quickly, America’s favorite (and lowest scoring) couple Kyle/Lacey was sent to safety, along with …. Bristol and Mark. Oh. Em. Gee. You know what this means – surprise elimination!

First though, we have an hour of results show to get through. Brandy and Maks were given the encore performance, which wasn’t surprising considering that they were the highest scoring couple.

Um, so Dancing with the Stars has found something even more annoying than montages – the infomercial. Yes, there are infomercials now. First up was one for a (fake) dancing workout DVD called “Dance Like Bruno.” No thanks, I’m good.

Jason Derulo was one of this week’s musical guests, and he performed his hit song “In My Head.” He is not good live. That’s really all you need to know. Moving on!

Brandy and Maks were pronounced safe, while Jennifer and Derek were put – zomg! – in jeopardy. What could this mean? Could they really go home? Let the nail-biting commence.

There’s a weird new feature on DWTS called “Spotlight on an Inspirational Story of an Audience Member.” This segment was about a family who emigrated from the Congo region to the United States, only to wind up dancing on this show. It was obviously nice to see how much this performance meant to the mother, but this kind of gravitas seems out of place on a show as flamboyantly ridiculous as DWTS.

More results – Kurt/Anna were safe, while Rick/Cheryl were placed in jeopardy. What does this meeeeean? The ballroom has gone mad!

Then perennial guest Shakira was back, doing what she normally does – singing, shaking, Shakira-ing. This time, she did it with glitter pants. Then, Jason Derulo was back to upset the ghost of Ray Charles with his rendition of “Georgia on My Mind.” This performance was accompanied by a lovely contemporary performance by Nameless Dancers (why are they always nameless? seriously, can we give these guys some credit?).

Final round of results: Audrina/Tony were safe, putting Florence/Corky in jeopardy. Oh Corky, methinks this will be your last laugh. And just like that, it was. Poor Florence – getting kicked off is bad enough, but getting kicked off after dancing to The Brady Bunch theme song is really tough. You will be missed, m’dear.

Next week is Rock Week. Get ready. And in the meantime, please drop by www.thedisneychick.com and say hello.