Quarterfinals! It’s week eight and the pressure is, as they say, on like Donkey Kong. Five couples, two dances each. The Latin round involves “dancing through the decades.” I would say “bring it on,” but we’re all likely to get way more than we bargained for anyway.
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin - Quickstep: Mya and Len have come to the conclusion that the judges are full of nonsense and they should continue doing they best they can to please the viewers. Wise. Mya’s dancing was, as usual, clean, classy, and seemingly critique-proof. But for the first time in eight weeks, Len liked their performance! His Grumpiness said he couldnt find anything wrong with it, Bruno compared their dance to fine champagne, and Carrie Ann said they were perfectly in sync. Scores: 9-10-10.
Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff - Foxtrot: Aaron claims he has never won anything in his life. Say what, pop star? What about all the tweenage hearts you’ve won over the years? Poor Karina has the flu, and they both rehearse with masks as though a face mask will prevent the spread of the ballroom plague. As if the flu wasn’t bad enough, Karina is made to wear sparkly pink goucho pants. The foxtrot tends to be more of a fun, old-Hollywood style dance, and this routine was a more contemporary version. For me, it was lacking in the pop! the foxtrot usually has. Bruno said Aaron’s dancing was tense, Carrie Ann called out a lift, and Len said he was proud but …. so that doesn’t bode well. Scores: 7-8-8.
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough - Quickstep: Derek had the ballroom plague the last time Joanna had the quickstep. The producers have assigned Joanna and Mya the same dance, so instead of focusing on Joanna’s technique, they waste their rehearsal time watching Mya’s footage. Eyes on your own paper! Their routine started with what Len would term “messing about” and continued to be marked by Joanna’s sloppy arms and horrendous feet (It’s week eight – she should have learned to point her toes by now). I found this incredibly painful to watch, and thankfully Carrie Ann called her out for those feet, Len said it wasn’t up to quarterfinals standards, and Bruno said it wasn’t one of her best. Scores: 8-7-8.
Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel – Foxtrot: Kelly hasn’t had a ballroom dance since week one – how is that possible? And ohmigod Kelly’s dogs are so cute can I have them please? I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on rehearsals either, if I had all that adorableness in the room. And hey, when did Kelly get so good? This was an awesome routine for her and her personality really came out to shine. All of the judges praised her grace and charm but said she needed to work on her footwork. Scores: 8-8-9.
Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson – Viennese Waltz: No other couple is doing the Viennese Waltz tonight, so Donny doesn’t have to worry about besting anyone. This was a sweet, light, sophisticated waltz. Really, truly lovely, like the perfect wedding dance. Bruno called him the ultimate entertainer, Carrie Ann said she was mesmerized, and Len said there was too much fluffy stuff. Scores: 9-8-9.
Latin Round: To show everyone how it’s done, out come the professionals … including a couple I don’t recognize. Could these guys be practicing for next season?
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin - Samba: In case Dmitry’s mustache didn’t tip you off, they were assigned the 70′s. Beep beep! Awesome samba time! This was fun, exciting, and appropriately cheesy – 70′s cheesy, not Ian Ziering cheesy. Carrie Ann said she now believes Mya is in it to win it, Len said she was on fire, and Bruno “sang” Ain’t No Mountain High Enough. Who’s going to the finals? Mya is! Scores: 10-10-10. First 30 of the season!
Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff - Samba: Aaron has the 90′s, which is appropriate, since that’s the last time he was famous. He attempts to teach Karina 90′s dancing (is there even such a thing?); Karina becomes confused. And guess what? Those moves look as lame now as they did in the 90′s. The samba parts in this routine were great, although Aaron is still going overboard with his arms. Len said they sold it, Bruno said his energy was put to good use, and Carrie Ann called him a great performer. Scores: 9-9-9.
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough - Paso Doble: Is “the future” a decade? Let’s say no. Joanna and Derek have the 2000′s, and apparently I missed the part in this past decade where we looked like extras from The Fifth Element. In the future, Joanna’s legs are still a mess and Derek is a David Bowie Halloween costume. The choreography was very cool, but was it a paso doble? Meh. Bruno called it a masterful reinvention, Carrie Ann called out a stumble, and Len called it genius. I think the judges were overly dazzled by the great choreography and overlooked a lot of Joanna’s shortcomings. Scores: 9-10-10.
Kelly Osbourne and Louis Van Amstel - Jive: These guys have the 60′s, and they took a mod approach to the routine. Cuteness! Kelly needs to watch out for sometimes-flailing arms, but this was a fun, groovy, clean dance. The rag doll prop was a little weird (not that it was the first time there’s been doll-related weirdness on this show – *cough Marie Osmond cough*). Len called her a revelation, Bruno yelled “come back to daddy!” and Carrie Ann called it one of her best performances. Scores: 8-9-9.
Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson – Paso Doble: There were a couple of ways they could have taken their 80′s look – Sid & Nancy punk, Dirty Dancing romance, or Brat Pack adorable. In the end, Crazy 80′s won out. All that was missing from their costumes was a Flock of Seagulls hairdo for Donny. Remember that doll weirdness I just *cough* mentioned? It was like that, but with more smoke. And fake mutton chops. Len called it crazy, Bruno said it had more camp than something having to do with drag queens, and Carrie Ann called it over the edge and insane. Understatement. Scores: 8-8-8.
Big happenings tomorrow night – we find out which four couples are in the semifinals. I’m thinking tonight was Aaron’s last stand, assuming America isn’t too traumatized to vote for Donny. Plus: Susan Boyle is the musical guest! Be sure to check back here for the full recap.
When she’s not spinning right round baby right round, The Disney Chick can be found at www.thedisneychick.com.